piss off !!!

ish... i really wana ish myself... am i that weak? just a call from him, i can have such nervous reaction... sien yei, why still nervous? just ignore him... he is just a great liar... shud not trust his words anymore... care no more please... no matter wat he did,what he said, what he bull shiting... he does not care and appreciate u last time, so will he now... y still wana have hope on him? he just does not care u at all... he loves nobody but himself... he is bloody selfish... sien yei, forget him... forget him... don be silly enuf...

missing...

hmm... da moments i think of him are getting less now... hmm... but da miss to him is not reduced... love is really blind huh? hehe... he is bad, irresponsible, lies teller, suck, jerk and even fuck since i was hurted by him again after we broke up. i am so silly to trust da words of a great liar again!!! bloody hell!!! however, i still will think of him, miss him somemore... haha... am i still love him?!! am i ? what makes him so impressed on me?! what is that? i wonder... no one can answer me... even i can't answer myself... haha... i have mentioned less in front of my friends now... coz somethings are better left unsaid... coz some may understand me very well, some are not... but, they are right... i am sure... i used to dependent on my friends too much... when i am alone, i start thinking of nonsense again... hmmm... i am now realising that i have to tackle "him" in my heart on my own... no body else but me... yea... my heart is less pain when his shadow is around in my mind... just feel annoying and moody... maybe will start doin something stupid again... lol... hmm... but, life still go on, i know one day i can look back and see how stupid i am now... hahaha...

am i truly recovered?

my frenz, i need ur advices... i really dono wat to do on his birthday... his birthday is approaching ... 2/10/08... my heart beat getting faster and faster... y i still care about him? sigh... i wish i can greet him face to face... but, i am not allowed to do so... i expect no more from him... but, yet i still care about his birthday... the present that i prepared for him so long is still with me... i just asked my fren to hide it... i am so weak... i dare not to open and see it again... all the memories... for the past 2.5 years... i ady cant differentiate whether is true or fake for me... but, it doesn't matter now... i also cant care anymore... pointless... sigh... when only can i let go all of this frustrations?!! when? nobody can tell but i myself huh... or... time will tell me again... i will wait... i sure will wait for that moment to come...

illusions

now, i am getting better and better in the days without him... most of the time, i am busy with my project and chatting with frenz... yet, where is my true feeling to him in my heart? no body know, but i myself know... the pictures of him in my heart are getting blurrer and blurrer... i start forgetting my strong feeling to him... seems like his life has nth to do with me anymore... now, i can't remember the sweet things that we had done before if i forced myself to think of him... i tot this will be good for me, seems like i tot i ady can forget him now... somehow, when i see his existence, i feel so uncomfortable and nervous again... cant calm down at that moment... i am just having repression only... my memory on him is just automatically hide in somewhere else... his memory will definitely popped up to my mind all the time... but, i know what i want and wish to do now... i have to walk away from him now. i will recover. frenz, wait for me... i will go back to u guys... i need time...

no more negative thinkings

i chatted with someone, someone i had never met, someone i will not meet. i feel so glad to chat with him. he made me realizing sth very important. i am so glad and thankful to all my friends who support and help me getting through this hard time. i am so gratitude to all of u... i am sorry to make u guys worry for the past one month. it is the real time for me to wake up. i shud not have second thought of him anymore. ya, love is all around. frenz and family are the best loves to me. they never leave me for a second. they always be there for me. i just forget their existence so long. i am glad now that i still own them fully in my heart. i wan to hold them tightly and never let go of them anymore...