one year liao...

finally one year liao... 14/8/08... now 14/8/09... hehe... i was attending a colloquium in pd... i totally forgot this special day for me. i dreamt of him on 15th august... in that dream, i shoo him away... just asked him to stay away from my life... and the gal as well... haha... wat kind of dream is it? lol... one year ago, he gave me a miserable first 6 months... at the same time, i gotta always control myself that i still have final year to run, i still have exams to sit, i still have many things to do despite of my wrenching heart-broken pain... after 6 months, i joined activities and met different ppl in my uni life... hehe, surprisingly, i just got the award of best grad recently. omg... really cant believe it! little gift from the god? lol thank you! haha, i would say that thanks for leaving me for stupid reasons. now, i really think that i am really silly for crying so much until my tears all dry up... until i dono how to date again like now... lol thanks for hurting me so bad so that i can understand more and give them(those deserve it) hell... lol... really, i lost him, but gain much much more in my life... haha~

sorry dr. NS... and my labmates...

i am dead!!! i did a serious mistake... the worst thing is i i don even realise i have broken it at that moment ... ugh... the first ever stuff that i broke in lab is a damn expensive stuff... how i wish that stuff is just a beaker... oh my... i cause inconvenient to my labmates... sigh... really hope that they still can cooperate well with that lab... i don mean to worsen the condition... i am the one who shud be being blamed... it's my fault... really careless... dr... i am sorry... i am wasting ur grant... sigh... the biggest guilty strikes my 23-year-old life... i will remember this and wont repeat!!! this lesson is really expensive...

"geng dim" question... haha...

Recently, i received few calls from him... it was really been awhile... knowing that he was down and demotivated with his current situation... understanable... nowadays, i can talk to him as a normal friend (i finally let go of him huh). can talk about his current life and gf... (but definitely cant see her!!!). wahaha... anyway, i got a funny question from him. "will you happy when u see me in such (pity) condition eventually?" what the freaking damn question i got here... my answer could be make him feel good or bad... who cares anyway. lol. but, i am relief now... phew... he finally admitted on his own that he had too many excuses for his acts to me... all of his acts in the past were just not right, sure have a lot of reasons to cover his dumb acts... great to know that he finally realised that... but, i still doubt that whether he knew the true meaning of responsible to a gal tho he said he knows now... coz i still can tell the "great" green mind of him when he talked to me... duh... dumb dumb. lol. i am sure my frenz will angry with me coz i picked up his call again... frenz, maybe u guys are right, i am too "extra" to bother him again huh... haha...

This is the time

Finally comes to the final... everything will end soon... New chapter of life will soon start... I am able to live good without depending him now... i guess... Though this is difficult mentally, nth more i can do about this... This is the time, this is the time to leave, Lsya... i do appreciate and gratitude so much the moment that we chat together... Maybe these little chattings meant nth for you, but really a matter for me...

a call from him

After coming back from practicing, i was really really tiring... As usual, i was on my lap top and looking for my best frenz to have some chats... msn-ing was ady in my daily routine... coz i found the joy to share my funny stuffs with them... this is wat i wont do when i was be with him... i seldom share my stuffs with frenz but only with him... yet, i always kept the sad thing to myself and never tell anybody include him...
well, when i was chatting with Papa, a very familiar number was calling me... i didn;t believe my eyes... it was his number that i had deleted... after sometimes, i only picked up and answered.
as usual, i was talking to him with soft voice. he was just concerning my current life. of coz i am much more better and delighted with my life without him! lol... but, i just answered him in so so way... these 10 min call felt like taking few hours... this was a totally different feel...
my Papa asked, "how do you feel now?" i still felt sad and heart pain for him...maybe just a little bit... but, it still made me to cry... i felt pathetic over him now... this is his choice... i can't do anything to help him anymore... i used to be a ever ready gal fren to him, since we are far apart all the time, i will do anything for him if i can help and he needed me. we are different actually. in front of him, i just wont do anything that could make him feeling bad. i wont show the true of i to him. i just want to love him, care him, help him and do everything that i can do for him. just for the sake he happy... just hope that he can approach as a better man... but, all of these were in vain...
most of my frenz said, " he is not worthed for me, he doesn't deserve to have me..." until today, all i need was not al the criticsms on him... but a sincere apologise from him and her... anyway, i shud not care this anymore since i chose to walk away from him totally.
i have all my best frenz, mamacita, papacito and my family there for me all the time...they wont leave me alone in the dark. i knew it. this is ady very very enough for me... i love you guys... yea...