worries...

seems like nothing is more distracted by "research" to me now... which way to go? which is the right path? am i wasting my time now? who can tell me the truth ? lost ppl are definitely desperately need help now... pray hard to god... pray hard... of coz failure won't me keep trying... the more i do, maybe the more i fail, but the closer to success... be faithful! gambate! Sien Yei!

原来我还是不会的。。。

让他去，我又会不开心。。。 不让他去，他又不开心。。。 这证明了性格不合吧。。。 每当遇到这种事情，我就会联想起我最不想回忆的过去。。。 为什么又是这样呢？ 看来我一个人好了。。。 为什么还要为别人流泪呢？为什么常常都因为思想不一样，就要这样辛苦了？我还是看不清，想不透，原来我还是不会，我不要了。。。

be confident and faithful...

when jealousy struck on me, i was still the same as old time... didn't know what to do and what to say... though forgive and let go were the best way to release sadness and anger... yet, just refused to do it... i could not change anything that had been done, but i could try to change my mind... just difficult to make it... i need to be told! i need honesty from you! not ignorance... i need to be explained!!! i need ur action and behaviour to make me more confident all the time!!! prove me wrong please!!!

one year liao...

finally one year liao... 14/8/08... now 14/8/09... hehe... i was attending a colloquium in pd... i totally forgot this special day for me. i dreamt of him on 15th august... in that dream, i shoo him away... just asked him to stay away from my life... and the gal as well... haha... wat kind of dream is it? lol... one year ago, he gave me a miserable first 6 months... at the same time, i gotta always control myself that i still have final year to run, i still have exams to sit, i still have many things to do despite of my wrenching heart-broken pain... after 6 months, i joined activities and met different ppl in my uni life... hehe, surprisingly, i just got the award of best grad recently. omg... really cant believe it! little gift from the god? lol thank you! haha, i would say that thanks for leaving me for stupid reasons. now, i really think that i am really silly for crying so much until my tears all dry up... until i dono how to date again like now... lol thanks for hurting me so bad so that i can understand more and give them(those deserve it) hell... lol... really, i lost him, but gain much much more in my life... haha~

sorry dr. NS... and my labmates...

i am dead!!! i did a serious mistake... the worst thing is i i don even realise i have broken it at that moment ... ugh... the first ever stuff that i broke in lab is a damn expensive stuff... how i wish that stuff is just a beaker... oh my... i cause inconvenient to my labmates... sigh... really hope that they still can cooperate well with that lab... i don mean to worsen the condition... i am the one who shud be being blamed... it's my fault... really careless... dr... i am sorry... i am wasting ur grant... sigh... the biggest guilty strikes my 23-year-old life... i will remember this and wont repeat!!! this lesson is really expensive...

"geng dim" question... haha...

Recently, i received few calls from him... it was really been awhile... knowing that he was down and demotivated with his current situation... understanable... nowadays, i can talk to him as a normal friend (i finally let go of him huh). can talk about his current life and gf... (but definitely cant see her!!!). wahaha... anyway, i got a funny question from him. "will you happy when u see me in such (pity) condition eventually?" what the freaking damn question i got here... my answer could be make him feel good or bad... who cares anyway. lol. but, i am relief now... phew... he finally admitted on his own that he had too many excuses for his acts to me... all of his acts in the past were just not right, sure have a lot of reasons to cover his dumb acts... great to know that he finally realised that... but, i still doubt that whether he knew the true meaning of responsible to a gal tho he said he knows now... coz i still can tell the "great" green mind of him when he talked to me... duh... dumb dumb. lol. i am sure my frenz will angry with me coz i picked up his call again... frenz, maybe u guys are right, i am too "extra" to bother him again huh... haha...

This is the time

Finally comes to the final... everything will end soon... New chapter of life will soon start... I am able to live good without depending him now... i guess... Though this is difficult mentally, nth more i can do about this... This is the time, this is the time to leave, Lsya... i do appreciate and gratitude so much the moment that we chat together... Maybe these little chattings meant nth for you, but really a matter for me...