am i truly recovered?

my frenz, i need ur advices... i really dono wat to do on his birthday... his birthday is approaching ... 2/10/08... my heart beat getting faster and faster... y i still care about him? sigh... i wish i can greet him face to face... but, i am not allowed to do so... i expect no more from him... but, yet i still care about his birthday... the present that i prepared for him so long is still with me... i just asked my fren to hide it... i am so weak... i dare not to open and see it again... all the memories... for the past 2.5 years... i ady cant differentiate whether is true or fake for me... but, it doesn't matter now... i also cant care anymore... pointless... sigh... when only can i let go all of this frustrations?!! when? nobody can tell but i myself huh... or... time will tell me again... i will wait... i sure will wait for that moment to come...

illusions

now, i am getting better and better in the days without him... most of the time, i am busy with my project and chatting with frenz... yet, where is my true feeling to him in my heart? no body know, but i myself know... the pictures of him in my heart are getting blurrer and blurrer... i start forgetting my strong feeling to him... seems like his life has nth to do with me anymore... now, i can't remember the sweet things that we had done before if i forced myself to think of him... i tot this will be good for me, seems like i tot i ady can forget him now... somehow, when i see his existence, i feel so uncomfortable and nervous again... cant calm down at that moment... i am just having repression only... my memory on him is just automatically hide in somewhere else... his memory will definitely popped up to my mind all the time... but, i know what i want and wish to do now... i have to walk away from him now. i will recover. frenz, wait for me... i will go back to u guys... i need time...

no more negative thinkings

i chatted with someone, someone i had never met, someone i will not meet. i feel so glad to chat with him. he made me realizing sth very important. i am so glad and thankful to all my friends who support and help me getting through this hard time. i am so gratitude to all of u... i am sorry to make u guys worry for the past one month. it is the real time for me to wake up. i shud not have second thought of him anymore. ya, love is all around. frenz and family are the best loves to me. they never leave me for a second. they always be there for me. i just forget their existence so long. i am glad now that i still own them fully in my heart. i wan to hold them tightly and never let go of them anymore...