lsya's day

worries...

2010-11-27T06:09:00.000-08:00

seems like nothing is more distracted by "research" to me now... which way to go? which is the right path? am i wasting my time now? who can tell me the truth ? lost ppl are definitely desperately need help now... pray hard to god... pray hard... of coz failure won't me keep trying... the more i do, maybe the more i fail, but the closer to success... be faithful! gambate! Sien Yei!

原来我还是不会的。。。

2010-09-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

让他去，我又会不开心。。。不让他去，他又不开心。。。这证明了性格不合吧。。。每当遇到这种事情，我就会联想起我最不想回忆的过去。。。为什么又是这样呢？看来我一个人好了。。。为什么还要为别人流泪呢？为什么常常都因为思想不一样，就要这样辛苦了？我还是看不清，想不透，原来我还是不会，我不要了。。。

be confident and faithful...

2010-09-16T11:02:00.000-07:00

when jealousy struck on me, i was still the same as old time... didn't know what to do and what to say... though forgive and let go were the best way to release sadness and anger... yet, just refused to do it... i could not change anything that had been done, but i could try to change my mind... just difficult to make it... i need to be told! i need honesty from you! not ignorance... i need to be explained!!! i need ur action and behaviour to make me more confident all the time!!! prove me wrong please!!!

one year liao...

2009-08-16T07:24:00.000-07:00

finally one year liao... 14/8/08... now 14/8/09... hehe... i was attending a colloquium in pd... i totally forgot this special day for me. i dreamt of him on 15th august... in that dream, i shoo him away... just asked him to stay away from my life... and the gal as well... haha... wat kind of dream is it? lol... one year ago, he gave me a miserable first 6 months... at the same time, i gotta always control myself that i still have final year to run, i still have exams to sit, i still have many things to do despite of my wrenching heart-broken pain... after 6 months, i joined activities and met different ppl in my uni life... hehe, surprisingly, i just got the award of best grad recently. omg... really cant believe it! little gift from the god? lol thank you! haha, i would say that thanks for leaving me for stupid reasons. now, i really think that i am really silly for crying so much until my tears all dry up... until i dono how to date again like now... lol thanks for hurting me so bad so that i can understand more and give them(those deserve it) hell... lol... really, i lost him, but gain much much more in my life... haha~

sorry dr. NS... and my labmates...

2009-07-17T03:45:00.000-07:00

i am dead!!! i did a serious mistake... the worst thing is i i don even realise i have broken it at that moment ... ugh... the first ever stuff that i broke in lab is a damn expensive stuff... how i wish that stuff is just a beaker... oh my... i cause inconvenient to my labmates... sigh... really hope that they still can cooperate well with that lab... i don mean to worsen the condition... i am the one who shud be being blamed... it's my fault... really careless... dr... i am sorry... i am wasting ur grant... sigh... the biggest guilty strikes my 23-year-old life... i will remember this and wont repeat!!! this lesson is really expensive...

"geng dim" question... haha...

2009-07-10T23:36:00.000-07:00

Recently, i received few calls from him... it was really been awhile... knowing that he was down and demotivated with his current situation... understanable... nowadays, i can talk to him as a normal friend (i finally let go of him huh). can talk about his current life and gf... (but definitely cant see her!!!). wahaha... anyway, i got a funny question from him. "will you happy when u see me in such (pity) condition eventually?" what the freaking damn question i got here... my answer could be make him feel good or bad... who cares anyway. lol. but, i am relief now... phew... he finally admitted on his own that he had too many excuses for his acts to me... all of his acts in the past were just not right, sure have a lot of reasons to cover his dumb acts... great to know that he finally realised that... but, i still doubt that whether he knew the true meaning of responsible to a gal tho he said he knows now... coz i still can tell the "great" green mind of him when he talked to me... duh... dumb dumb. lol. i am sure my frenz will angry with me coz i picked up his call again... frenz, maybe u guys are right, i am too "extra" to bother him again huh... haha...

This is the time

2009-04-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

Finally comes to the final... everything will end soon... New chapter of life will soon start... I am able to live good without depending him now... i guess... Though this is difficult mentally, nth more i can do about this... This is the time, this is the time to leave, Lsya... i do appreciate and gratitude so much the moment that we chat together... Maybe these little chattings meant nth for you, but really a matter for me...

a call from him

2009-03-11T11:47:00.000-07:00

After coming back from practicing, i was really really tiring... As usual, i was on my lap top and looking for my best frenz to have some chats... msn-ing was ady in my daily routine... coz i found the joy to share my funny stuffs with them... this is wat i wont do when i was be with him... i seldom share my stuffs with frenz but only with him... yet, i always kept the sad thing to myself and never tell anybody include him...
well, when i was chatting with Papa, a very familiar number was calling me... i didn;t believe my eyes... it was his number that i had deleted... after sometimes, i only picked up and answered.
as usual, i was talking to him with soft voice. he was just concerning my current life. of coz i am much more better and delighted with my life without him! lol... but, i just answered him in so so way... these 10 min call felt like taking few hours... this was a totally different feel...
my Papa asked, "how do you feel now?" i still felt sad and heart pain for him...maybe just a little bit... but, it still made me to cry... i felt pathetic over him now... this is his choice... i can't do anything to help him anymore... i used to be a ever ready gal fren to him, since we are far apart all the time, i will do anything for him if i can help and he needed me. we are different actually. in front of him, i just wont do anything that could make him feeling bad. i wont show the true of i to him. i just want to love him, care him, help him and do everything that i can do for him. just for the sake he happy... just hope that he can approach as a better man... but, all of these were in vain...
most of my frenz said, " he is not worthed for me, he doesn't deserve to have me..." until today, all i need was not al the criticsms on him... but a sincere apologise from him and her... anyway, i shud not care this anymore since i chose to walk away from him totally.
i have all my best frenz, mamacita, papacito and my family there for me all the time...they wont leave me alone in the dark. i knew it. this is ady very very enough for me... i love you guys... yea...

piss off !!!

2008-10-20T10:08:00.000-07:00

ish... i really wana ish myself... am i that weak? just a call from him, i can have such nervous reaction... sien yei, why still nervous? just ignore him... he is just a great liar... shud not trust his words anymore... care no more please... no matter wat he did,what he said, what he bull shiting... he does not care and appreciate u last time, so will he now... y still wana have hope on him? he just does not care u at all... he loves nobody but himself... he is bloody selfish... sien yei, forget him... forget him... don be silly enuf...

missing...

2008-10-19T01:55:00.000-07:00

hmm... da moments i think of him are getting less now... hmm... but da miss to him is not reduced... love is really blind huh? hehe... he is bad, irresponsible, lies teller, suck, jerk and even fuck since i was hurted by him again after we broke up. i am so silly to trust da words of a great liar again!!! bloody hell!!! however, i still will think of him, miss him somemore... haha... am i still love him?!! am i ? what makes him so impressed on me?! what is that? i wonder... no one can answer me... even i can't answer myself... haha... i have mentioned less in front of my friends now... coz somethings are better left unsaid... coz some may understand me very well, some are not... but, they are right... i am sure... i used to dependent on my friends too much... when i am alone, i start thinking of nonsense again... hmmm... i am now realising that i have to tackle "him" in my heart on my own... no body else but me... yea... my heart is less pain when his shadow is around in my mind... just feel annoying and moody... maybe will start doin something stupid again... lol... hmm... but, life still go on, i know one day i can look back and see how stupid i am now... hahaha...

am i truly recovered?

2008-09-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

my frenz, i need ur advices... i really dono wat to do on his birthday... his birthday is approaching ... 2/10/08... my heart beat getting faster and faster... y i still care about him? sigh... i wish i can greet him face to face... but, i am not allowed to do so... i expect no more from him... but, yet i still care about his birthday... the present that i prepared for him so long is still with me... i just asked my fren to hide it... i am so weak... i dare not to open and see it again... all the memories... for the past 2.5 years... i ady cant differentiate whether is true or fake for me... but, it doesn't matter now... i also cant care anymore... pointless... sigh... when only can i let go all of this frustrations?!! when? nobody can tell but i myself huh... or... time will tell me again... i will wait... i sure will wait for that moment to come...

illusions

2008-09-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

now, i am getting better and better in the days without him... most of the time, i am busy with my project and chatting with frenz... yet, where is my true feeling to him in my heart? no body know, but i myself know... the pictures of him in my heart are getting blurrer and blurrer... i start forgetting my strong feeling to him... seems like his life has nth to do with me anymore... now, i can't remember the sweet things that we had done before if i forced myself to think of him... i tot this will be good for me, seems like i tot i ady can forget him now... somehow, when i see his existence, i feel so uncomfortable and nervous again... cant calm down at that moment... i am just having repression only... my memory on him is just automatically hide in somewhere else... his memory will definitely popped up to my mind all the time... but, i know what i want and wish to do now... i have to walk away from him now. i will recover. frenz, wait for me... i will go back to u guys... i need time...

no more negative thinkings

2008-09-19T19:53:00.000-07:00

i chatted with someone, someone i had never met, someone i will not meet. i feel so glad to chat with him. he made me realizing sth very important. i am so glad and thankful to all my friends who support and help me getting through this hard time. i am so gratitude to all of u... i am sorry to make u guys worry for the past one month. it is the real time for me to wake up. i shud not have second thought of him anymore. ya, love is all around. frenz and family are the best loves to me. they never leave me for a second. they always be there for me. i just forget their existence so long. i am glad now that i still own them fully in my heart. i wan to hold them tightly and never let go of them anymore...